It’s Not Home Without You: A Homecoming Novel #1 Read online

  “If you’ll excuse us, Josh, I have to say hello to my mother.” Max gave the man an easy smile and clasped my hand, dragging me over to where his mom was sitting. Immediately I knew things could only go from bad to worse when I saw Mrs. Dunnett was sitting with Juliet, Jana, Abigail, and Mrs. Newton. The bad thing about summer, was that Abigail was around.

  Ever since Nikki and Abigail graduated, Jana and Juliet didn’t bother me. They pretended like I didn’t exist. Why couldn’t all of them pretend I didn’t exist my freshman year? Nikki never got over the fact that I “stole” Max from her. Could you even steal something that was never hers?

  I watched as Max greeted his mother and gave Juliet, Jana, Abigail, and Mrs. Newton a kiss on the cheek. I, on the other hand, waved hello. I may be on my best behavior, but if I was forced to kiss those bitches on the cheek, I might accidentally bite them.

  “You look lovely, Freya,” Mrs. Dunnett said, and I wanted to believe she was sincere, but I wasn’t sure. Even though it hurt, and I knew one of Max parents hated me, I still smiled, hoping his mother might like me.

  “Thank you, you look really pretty, Mrs. Dunnett,” I timidly said, hating the way my voice faltered. Juliet rolled her eyes, and Abigail snickered.

  “Like really pretty.” Abigail mocked me loud enough for everyone at the table to hear, but at least no one laughed. Max, who was distracted pulling a chair out for me to sit in, didn’t hear a thing.

  I tried not to show how alarmed I was when Max said, “I’ll be right back. I have to use the restroom.”

  It was awkward as hell. I was witnessing two conversations happening at the same time and not taking part in either. Juliet was talking about homecoming while Mrs. Dunnett and Mrs. Newton were talking about one of Mrs. Newton’s cousins who left town over a decade ago. As awkward as things where, I knew they were about to get worse when Max’s mom and Mrs. Newton got up. My only saving grace was when Mrs. Newton told Abigail to accompany her. Taking on two vipers was much better than three.

  “You’re not making things easy on my brother.” Juliet leaned back and crossed her arms. “You better not hurt him. The shit he puts up with for dating you is more than enough. Come on, Jana, let’s go look for Gary.”

  They left me alone to wonder what the fuck Juliet was talking about. When I couldn’t do it anymore, I got up to look for Max. He had taken more than enough time taking a piss. I figured he was probably in his room hiding—that’s what I would do—but Max wouldn’t do that to me. But then again, he wasn’t acting like himself.

  Since everyone was in the back, I figured it would be easier to go in through the front entrance, that way I could avoid socializing. By socializing, I meant round two with Juliet, Jana, and Abigail. The first thing I noticed as I rounded the corner was that the garage was open. Any other time, I would have walked away and not pried, but Max’s car was right there.

  Max lied.

  Max lied to me.

  I made my way to the front of Max’s car, wondering what compelled him to lie. This was the first time he’d done it. I didn’t like it. I hated it. Everything about today had been a little absurd from the start. Calming myself, I took a deep breath before I did something reckless like storm the house shouting his name. It hurt to know he lied to my face. A million scenarios ran through my mind like wildfire, each worse than the last. When I heard footsteps behind me, I turned around, ready to tell Max off and demand an answer. God, if it was like anything I imagined, it would kill me. When I turned, it wasn’t Max behind me. It was his father. Paul Dunnett was the older version of Prescott, except his face was much harsher. Still, he was one handsome son of a bitch.

  Paul made his way over, stopping a foot away, dwarfing me with his presence. He put his hand in his pocket and spoke with an arrogance that came from years of getting what he wanted. “Tell me what it will take for you to leave my son alone.”

  “P-pardon?” So much for sounding like he didn’t intimidate me.

  “Don’t be coy. Name your price. Then I’ll never have to see you near my son again.”

  My stomach sank with unease, and my eyes watered at the thought of Max’s father thinking I was a gold-digging whore. I accepted the fact I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t the poster girl for perfection, but to insinuate that the only reason I was with Maximilian was for his money hurt so fucking deep.

  “I’m not after his money; I love your son, Mr. Dunnett.”

  “Oh please, you don’t have to pretend with me, girl. Your mother was the same way. She latched on to money until it left her high and dry. I will not have my son throw away his future for a nobody.”

  Flinching, I opened my mouth to defend myself, but he didn’t give me a chance.

  “My son could have gone to any college he wanted. Instead, he’s going to community college so that he can be close to you. He’s given up his car and his trust fund, for what? For a cheap thrill?”

  “I never told him to stay,” I rasped. Mr. Dunnett didn’t know just how much he hit home. Was Max willing to give everything up for me? A part of me wanted to love him for it, but a part of me knew that if he did that, he would grow to resent me, and I would hate myself for it.

  “I’ll tell him to go to Chicago like he had originally planned,” I said in a rush. I would talk to Max, make him see reason. We could fix this.

  Mr. Dunnett laughed at my naivety. “And have him unfocused because you’re here?”

  “He’ll listen to me. I love him, Mr. Dunnett. I want what’s best for him too.”

  “Name your price,” he gritted.

  “I’m not some money-hungry whore!” I yelled back. I needed him to get it through his head that no amount of money was worth the love Max gave me.

  “If you loved my son, you wouldn’t hold him back. If you loved my son, you would have let him go because you aren’t enough for him. Is that what you want, Freya? For Max to not reach his full potential? My son could have it all, but he’s throwing it away for you! You won’t name a price, I’ll make this easy for you. If you don’t leave my son, you and your grandfather may find yourselves homeless.”

  His voice was like ice, freezing me instantly. I knew he would do it, he had the money and the connections. He could find a bullshit clause that would force my Grandpa to sell. Every year my grandpa complained property taxes kept rising. I’m sure Mr. Dunnett was ruthless enough to seize any opportunity as long as it meant I would be far from his son. I also understood why Max was ready to leave it all for me, but I had already been selfish enough. Maybe if I had pushed harder and told Max to go away for college, we wouldn’t be here right now. I looked at Max’s car, a car he loved almost as much as he loved me, and I knew I had to do the right thing for him, even if it wasn’t the right thing for me.

  When I spoke, my voice sounded foreign to my own ears. I was breaking, even if I didn’t let Mr. Dunnett see it. “I’ll do it. I’ll leave Max, but I don’t want a thing from you.” My heart broke with that sentence. I knew it would be painful to break Max’s heart, but it was the only way he would let me go. But in breaking Max’s heart, I would break my own.

  Mr. Dunnett didn’t stick around to watch me cry. He had accomplished what he had set out to do. I took one last look at Max’s vintage Mercedes Benz and knew that the day of the crash would be the last memory either of us would have in that car. For Max to achieve his full potential, I had to break his heart to give him drive. Wiping the tears off my face, I took one look around Max’s home, a place I never fit in, and I told myself it was for the best.

  I wouldn’t let Max ruin his life for me. My boy deserved greatness. Everyone knew it, and I couldn’t be the girl to hold him back.

  Once I stopped crying, I went to look for Max. I didn’t have to search for long. My boy was already looking for me. As soon as I made it to the backyard, our eyes found each other. It happened every single time. It didn’t matter who was around; it was just him and me.

  I gave him a big smile and waved him over. As soo
n as he saw me, his body sagged with relief. “Do you want to get out of here, baby?” He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. I took a deep breath, smelling his unique scent and committing to memory the way his arms felt wrapped around me.

  Strong. Protective. Secure. And for one more night, all mine. I would be selfish one more time. Just for tonight, I would pretend for a little longer, but starting tomorrow, I would set things in motion, so my boy could forget about me. “I’m fine right here.”

  And that was the truth.

  For one last time, I held him close.

  I held him tight, and when I pulled away, I left my heart in his arms.

  For one last time, I allowed myself to feel whole—to feel at home.

  21

  Freya

  Some things were inevitable, like when someone said spider you jumped around like a lunatic hoping you got it off you, or how when you found out your best friend married your nemesis, it was only natural to scream. I was sitting in Rusty’s truck, good ol’ Bow, unusually quiet. Every time I opened my mouth, I closed it, not knowing how to approach the subject. Dex and Emma had to talk me down from marching out of the store and bitching out Rusty as soon as he came to pick me up. They reminded me that who he married was none of my business.

  I knew it wasn’t, but it still kind of was.

  So there I sat with my mouth closed as Rusty talked about all the things I missed while I waited for him to tell me he married Jana Moore.

  Excuse me, Jana Hayward.

  “What’s wrong, Gabby? No need to be nervous.”

  Oh, my quietness wasn’t nerviness. Fury maybe, but not nerves. I bit my lip to stop myself from saying something out of line. I already knew where we were heading. Rusty’s grandad had purchased land back when an acre didn’t cost an arm and a leg, and he always said it was for Rusty to build his home. I’d been on that land. Heck, we partied on that land. Since it was Rusty’s property, no one could say shit unless we got caught drinking; then that was another different story. Biting my lip only worked for so long. When I saw the lovely two-story house with a wraparound porch, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I would not win friend of the year any time in the next ten years. I was sure of it.

  “Jana Moore, you married Jana?”

  To my surprise, Rusty laughed. It made me want to slap him. Maybe he was having a come to Jesus and realizing that he picked wrong.

  God, I was such a bitch, wasn’t I?

  “I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out. I figured Eugene told you.”

  “So, it’s like for real, for real, like you legitimately married Jana Moore?”

  Rusty sighed as he parked the truck and turned to look at me, his face serious. “I love her, Freya. And if you want back in my life, then you better get behind it because that girl isn’t who you think she is. Just like you aren’t who she thought you were. Give her a chance, okay?”

  It was safe to say I would have to get behind it. I got chills just at the thought of losing Rusty again, and if him being in my life meant I had to give his wife a chance, then I had to give Jana a chance. I was already friendly with Maximilian Dunnett. Being friendly with Jana should be easy-peasy compared to that.

  “Relax,” Rusty said as he patted my back. Easy for him to say. Girls loved him. Jana loved him. Me, not so much.

  “Oh God, Jana is having your baby,” I blurted as an image of Jana with a round belly waiting in the deli section came to mind.

  “That’s what happens when you have sex, Gabby.”

  I gagged, not because Rusty had sex with Jana, but talking sex with Rusty was gross.

  “Dude, TMI,” I said as I braved it and passed the threshold on his beautiful, cozy home. Jana had good taste, but that wasn’t what made their home feel cozy and homey. Sure, it’s nicely decorated, but that wasn’t what made their home look loved. It was the personal touches, the random knickknacks that made two individuals become one. It made me think of the cushy loft Ashton and I shared. We had nice things, a lot of expensive things, but it always felt so… cold. Come to think of it, we never spent too much time at home relaxing and watching movies. Must have been hard chilling at home with your girlfriend when you fucked half the bay area on the couch. I was his show-and-tell girl to parade around town.

  How did I not notice things between Ashton and me change? How could I have been blind to it all? I wished I had seen it sooner. There was no excuse for how stupid I had been. I had been loved, I knew how it felt like to be treated like a queen, and I stayed blind to all of it.

  When I heard Jana’s voice, I put on a brave face and hoped Rusty was right, and we both had changed.

  “Freya, you made it.” Jana smiled at me as she joined us in the living room. I was trying to decide if she was being mean or sarcastic. Old habits, you know? “I wasn’t sure you would come once you figured out I married Rus.” She seemed almost embarrassed, and it made me feel bad. Now my encounters with her made sense.

  “We are not who we were in high school,” I replied, earning a smile from Rusty. I wasn’t going to lie and say it was fine from there on, because there was too much history between the three of us to make us forget everything, but we were adults, so we made it work.

  At first, dinner was somewhat uncomfortable, despite Jana’s being a great cook. I had many skills, but cooking was not one.

  “Do you guys know what you’re having?” I asked. As icebreakers went, this was a good option. When Jana smiled and turned to look at Rusty, I could see how much she loved him. At that moment, it was like every part of her was so attuned to him it shined through.

  “A girl.” She beamed.

  “God, she will be the cutest little thing ever,” I said with raw honesty. “Do you have ultrasound pictures?”

  Jana did me one better; she not only brought me ultrasound pictures, but she busted out their wedding album.

  My hands shook as I grabbed the big white book.

  “I’m going to check something in the garage. Be right back,” Rusty said. Both Jana and I knew it was just an excuse for him to leave us alone. I sat the book down and looked at it with a little sadness. I would never see my best friend get married, and that made my chest ache.

  “He missed you,” Jana said. “I’m not going to lie and say I understood your friendship, because I was still harboring ill feeling toward you and I was also a little jealous of you. It made me hate you a bit.” I stared at Jana in shock. “I hope you don’t mind, but Russell explained your childhood, about your mom. He loves you like a sister, and I can tell you love him. You’re his family. On our wedding day, he still looked for you despite him not inviting you.”

  “Why didn’t he invite me?” The answer scared me, but I needed it.

  “Open the book, Freya,” was her reply. With shaky hands, I turned over the cover page, and my eyes watered with every page turned. Jana looked stunning; even through the pictures, I could see that it was the happiest day of her life. When I got to the bridal party photos, I was surprised to see Max in them. Max was Rusty’s best man. God, he looked so handsome, so put together, smiling and sharing with Rusty what was the happiest day of his life. Max was standing where I should have been standing by his side. Max was there for Rusty when I was halfway across the country.

  A tear slid down my face. “He chose Max over me.”

  “Oh God no,” Jana replied. “He had a decision to make. He wanted you there, but Max had just gotten to a good place in his life, and having you back—well, having you back would have jeopardized it.”

  “What do you mean Max had just gotten to a good place?” I was shaking a bit as I asked.

  “He completely lost it after you left. He got a DUI, and his parents had to keep throwing out money for him not to end up in jail. Then he left for college and his playboy ways reached the ears of all of us here.” Hearing Jana explain the fruit of my labor made me feel cold inside; it numbed me. I turned Max into something he never was. It made me sick to think
he used sex to forget about what we shared.

  “I didn’t know,” I whispered.

  “Is it hard now that you’re back?”

  “He said what we shared wasn’t anything special, that we were children back then.” There was such heartbreak in that sentence, and I didn’t care to look pathetic in front of Jana.

  “It will get better, Freya,” Jana said, and I hoped she was right.

  22

  Freya

  Mornings were not the time to be making wise decisions. I was groggy but feeling brave because things went more than okay with Jana, and I figured, if I could deal with her, it would be a piece of cake to deal with Ashton. When the phone rang and I saw it was a call from San Francisco, I didn’t ignore it like I usually did.

  “What do you want, asshole? It’s been days of me pressing ignore and not returning your texts. Most people would take the hint.” Just because I answered it didn’t mean I had to be polite; he didn’t deserve it.

  “I had hoped that you would’ve cooled off by now, Freya.” Ashton was trying to make me feel childish, but it would not work. I wouldn’t succumb to feeling like this was my fault.

  “And I had hoped you would have stopped annoying me by now, but hey, we don’t always get what we want,” I snapped back, regretting my decision in answering his phone call.

  “Freya, I think it’s time you came home, preferably by Thursday. But as long as you’re here before Friday, you’ll have time to get ready for the gala on Saturday. I’ll have my driver pick you up from the airport—”

  Removing the phone from my ear, I looked at it with disbelief then pressed the end button. What world was that moron living in? Did my leaving, the little fit I threw in the garage, and the absence of all my things mean anything to him?